


CAFE UNIVERSE, Ep: II

by starfiresky



Series: Cafe Universe [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Kaiho, M/M, SuKai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 14:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17123354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfiresky/pseuds/starfiresky
Summary: Contrary to how I feel, painful words come outI made you struggle and I’m struggling tooUnlike my determination, nothing’s getting betterI always disappoint you and I regret it too





	1. Our memories that are engraved in the seasons...

I was in that same cafeteria where we've met.

Cafe Universe.

The first time I laid eyes on you, I was delighted. You were on the last bench of the football stadium, on game day, reading one more of your manhwas. I kept wondering: who would come to a football game to read? Why not read at home?

It had bothered me so much that I told Chanyeol about you. He thought I was acting weird, since I never bothered the audience when we played.

But when I looked at you again, I had an epiphany. Those of a scientist who discovered something wonderful.

And I discovered: You.

You always had a flashy beauty, and they said that was what matched us.

"The beauty couple".

But I knew you were a lot, but a lot more than that.

The second time, you were studying at that table in the red, worn bench, the left side of the window. Our table.

You were concentrating on the tasks you had to do, since you took care of your younger siblings afterwards and had to work late night to help with them.

I've always admired your strength.

Even if you studied and worked all night, you were still dedicated to being an exemplary student. And I, who could study, could not.

Parties, parties and more parties.

And every time I disapproved in some matter, the captain of the team gave me a sermon so I could study more.

And that's how I met you, do you remember?

You were asked to help me with the chores, and you really wanted to help me.

I never deserved you, Joonmyeon.

And finally, the third time I saw you, we've met.

It was winter, and it was too cold to stay in the school library, which had no air conditioning. So you left me a note in the closet telling me to meet you in a coffee shop nearby, to study better.

It was at Café Universe, after class, to get the materials up to date. You were being very attentive to me, explaining things to me in the smallest detail, but the only thing I wanted to hear from your mouth was your phone number.

And I asked.

You died of shame, and told me to stop joking around. I told you I meant it. You did not believe it.

I spent days trying to get your phone, weeks to get the first date, and months for the first kiss.

And what a kiss.

Do you remember?

It was spring, so the sun was burning and the grass was cool, making the wind great for the days of training.

You went to meet me on the sports court, saying that we needed to talk.

I already knew you'd try to break up with me after that party when they saw us together. But I would not admit it.

You came full of clever arguments, saying that I could not afford to have a reputation dragged in the mud if I wanted to continue in football. You talked and argued, and I just wanted to kiss you, because I loved you too much.

And that's what I did.

And I still remember that I liked that coffee bullet you always ate.

And the grass was pinching us.

And you crying later because you did not want to lose me.

But I lost you, didn't I?

I regret, you know. What happened between me and Krystal.

She always loved me, and was leaving town. When she appeared in my locker room, crying and saying that she loved me, I did not know what to do. I did not know how to act.

She just kissed me, and I let her.

We had a fight that day and I was a bit hurt, but I know that's not an excuse.

What I did to her was horrible and without morals, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for ruining everything for us.

Forever.

I was too foolish to ignore what we felt, because of a stupid little fight with no reason.

Like I said Junmyeon, I never deserved you.

And what I have left now are the memories I had the privilege of doing with you. They are the memories of all our late evening gatherings at the observatory, the afternoons in which we actually study, (instead of kissing); the times we go out with your brothers to the beach, those are the times when I can look back and say it was worth it.

That made my life worthwhile.

That you made it worth it.


	2. Always brings tears when I remember

Joonmyeon  
  
  
I was in that same cafeteria we've met.  
  
Cafe Universe.  
  
Waiting for you to arrive, since I had schedule to help you with school stuff. At first, I hated the idea very much and wanted to change shifts with Kyungsoo, since he also helped other students with their difficulties. But I think it was the destiny that united us. Because, it did not help the efforts I've made to not have MORE responsibility... I was denied each one of them.  
  
It was when I decided to play it cool.  
  
I asked Kyungsoo what I could do to get in touch with you without having to _actually_   talk to you, and that's when he gave the idea of the note in the locker.  
  
That was pretty funny, when I remember nowadays. I tried very hard to not be seen by anyone and I was so nervous that I could vomit. I crawled into the hallway, during class time, when you came up to me in the hallway. I thought I was going to die.  
  
I dropped the note to fall into your locker and I ran to mine, which was two rows later. You kept staring at me and I just ran away as fast as I could.  
  
Hahaha…  
  
Like the fool I was.  
  
All this, because of you.  
  
You.  
  
You always gave me a nervous that I could not explain.  
  
Do you remember that party? The one we almost kissed?  
  
I refuted several times to go there, even with Kyungsoo insisting, insisting and insisting. It was that time when you sent me a message and asked me if I would come. I said parties like that were for idiots who had no qualms in life and that the major purpose of their lives was getting drunk to have some story to tell later. You laughed, and said I was square. I said I was aware. Five minutes later you convinced me to go with you.  
  
I would never admit it back then, but I think I've been loving you ever since.  
  
I kept that party in my memory even if I did not want to.  
  
I was a little nauseous from the drinks, and a young man, Oh Sehun, kept walking in front of me asking if I wanted anything else. And he always had something to want, so I wanted to take it.  
  
I ended up feeling sick, and I went upstairs with a little dizziness. You followed me, held me, and looked after me. We stayed together for the rest of the party, talking about everything and nothing, as we used to do in our little universe.  
  
There I fell in love with you, Kai.  
  
And I fell in love again when we kissed for the first time.  
  
Do you remember?  
  
To this day I cry when I remember the things you told me that day.  
  
You were always the most plainspoken between us and I envied you for that. I envied because I wish I could be that person for you. That would make you feel good, that would make you feel loved.  
  
But I knew it was risky.  
  
Being a homosexual in football was not a good thing. And I did not want to ruin it for you.  
  
That's when I decided that I would not going to ruin your life. We had to break up, half of the school was already speculating that we were together. This could not go on.  
  
I went where I knew I could find you: the grass court.  
  
And you were there, in all your glory.  
  
Running with all those muscles and shorts that came up each time you ran more, and more and more.  
  
I watched you for a long time before I get the guts to get close.  
  
When I finally breathed and decided to face what was to come, you saw me. And opened the biggest smile to me.  
  
I thought I might die.  
  
I warned you everything I should warn you. I tried to argue against everything, because I had spent a lot of time thinking about it.  


Surfing about it.  
  
But you just waited.  
  
Not against arguing, you did not say anything.

It made me even more nervous, because as much as I was breaking up with you, I still loved you. And I loved you enough to feel hurt that you did not yell at me back, saying we'd work something out.  
  
I know, it does not make the slightest sense, but I've never been in my senses near you...  
  
When I stopped, and I said all I had to say, you finally said what I wanted to hear.  
  
That you loved me.  


And none of that mattered, because you always loved me, and you would always love me.  
  
Because I was the most important thing in your life, that goes beyond football, and everyone else.  
  
But how true was that, Kai?  
  
I've fallen in love with you so many times, but have you ever fallen in love?  
  
I fell in love when you agreed to go out with my brothers, even if your interest was to have a decent date that day.  
  
I fell in love with you, when you told me you admired me and you were proud of me, when I could never hear it from anyone before.  
  
But you…  
  
It still hurts when I remember, did you know that?  
  
I cry every time I remember that one day I trusted someone so much, to receive nothing back.  
  
It hurts me when I hear her name, it hurts me when I see any kind of lockers or pink towels. Which was the color of the towel that was on the bathroom floor when I saw you together.  
  
I try not to let one memory erase all the others, but it is difficult. And it will always be difficult.  
  
And you know what is the worst, among all this?  
  
Even after all this, no time, no day or even hour, I forgot how it was to love you. 


End file.
